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Last night I had a dream....
I was with the kids teacher of all people in his musty underground cellar. It was jam packed full of bottles of every type of alcohol you could possibly think of. I was sitting down cross legged with a small group of people on the cold, concrete floor. The atmosphere was dark and dingy. A dim light in the corner lit up the dust and cobwebs. Smoke filled the room as...
I got my results back from my chest x-ray today and although they weren't good they weren't drastically bad either. Well, according to what they say, I'm sure I'll live to tell another story. The x-ray result was that I should have a follow up CT scan but the GP say's it's not worth doing as the radiation could have adverse effects on it's own being in that area. Considering the damage so far a C...
Oh my God.....all week I've been so fantastic, not to mention encouraging everyone else but I'm not actually so great myself. So...tonight the kids are off to a lovely friends house, time for me to relax right? & what does that mean? Get out the scotch & cigarettes & crank up the music usually. Not this time, I thought, I feel too fabulous to go back to that. No, I'll have a bath & watch a movie ...
"Best Day Of My Life"
I had a dream so big and loud
I jumped so high I touched the clouds
I stretched my hands out to the sky
We danced with monsters through the night
I'm never gonna look back
Whoa, I'm never gonna give it up
No, please don't wake me now
(2, 3, 4)
This is gonna be the best day of my life
I don't know why but week 5 is proving rather difficult. My brain has actually been telling me and very nearly convincing me that I NEED cigarettes to get through the stress. This is a little different from the beginning where I was just winging to myself saying I want one, I really desperately just want one. I'll do anything, pleading....It's changed tactics, trying to rationalize with me, the v...
I just read some statistics from 2008/2009. Apparently in 2008: 2,664 people died from lung cancer. In 2009: 3,339 people were diagnosed with lung cancer - Only a mere 18% of those diagnosed will actually still be living in 5 years time & probably not living well? So, I guess now in 2015 they're all dead. That was a while ago but I'm guessing the stats are similar if not worse today? Come on peop...
I feel like a sitting duck! Are we all just sitting ducks, helpless, floating around in a big pond with cigarettes hovering above us with guns just waiting for the right moment to shoot? That's how I feel at the moment. I can't help feeling vulnerable. I just don't want to think about it anymore, all this trying is starting to get exhausting, trying to be positive & on guard all the time. Seems e...
Week 3! Yay! Just saying goodnight & good luck everyone.
Tomorrow is a brand new day! Here's to a cleaner, fresher future for us all! We can beat this thing together!
I have a friend coming over for an unexpected drink or two. Had my jamies on ready for bed, don't even think I had a craving today at all. Already getting my heart palpitations back which have all but disappeared over the last 2 weeks. Feeling nervous & anxious again but shops are closed, my friend doesn't smoke and I don't have any so I guess I'll just have to see how the other half live withou...
It's ok people, no need to panic. I am ok. Was just having a Linda Blair moment, I think I was possessed by the very same demon. It's fled far away now I hope, never to return. Back in the real world, much more pleasant to sit down with the kids in front of the fire for tasty honey soy chicken & macaroni & cheese! Phew.
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