Day 19

This is officially the longest time since I was 13 that I have been smoke free! I never thought I'd do it...ever. I swear I was addicted before I even started smoking. My parents always smoked in the car and house and everywhere around me. When I had my first cigarette it didn't feel strange, I was just doing what I thought I was destined to eventually do. What was normal.

I am so glad I've come this far and although it hasn't been easy... It hasn't been nearly as hard as any smoker told me it would be, or what I built it up to be in my own mind. I thought if I put on weight it would tempt me to start again but I think even that wouldn't make me go back to smoking. I still crave them subconsciously but my conscious self reminds me of what's true and real very quickly. I read horror stories of the realities of smoking before I can reason with myself. I don't ever want my daughters to grow up around addiction or think abusing your body and killing yourself is OK. I want them to respect me and themselves and I want to be a great role model.

I've noticed since quitting that my anxiety is gone... Completely gone. I would get anxious about smelling like smoke, having yellow teeth, my skin, hiding my smoking from people, anxiety about how I will find a decent partner being a smoker, being judged for smoking, my car smelling, aging quickly, getting a disease, not being able to breath when I exercise, wasting my money on cigarettes, getting away from people to have a cigarette and it goes on and on and on.... It ruled my entire life. It was ruining my life.

I used to think I had anxiety because there was something wrong with ME personally. It was just my addiction. Now when I run my body gets tired before I lose my breath. I make an effort to talk to more people and don't feel I have to hurry off to smoke. I can smile without being self conscious! And I must be giving off some positive energy because people approach me a lot.