Why I never listened to certain people about quitting smoking

There have been times over the last few decades where certain ex-smokers have told me about the fact they've quit. To be honest, I don't have good memories of those "quitters"

I've always felt that most of these quitters were self righteous and had no empathy for me as a smoker. The advice was always cold and clinical. No-one said things to me like "I know how hard it is to be a smoker etc" It was always they were good and I was bad, except of course my late father who used to complain about my smoking, yet buy me packs of cigarettes. God bless him! What a character he was!

Even recently, I told a friend (he gave up smoking a few years) about my quit. He was encouraging to me but I did not like it when he said that all smokers are losers and thats how you have to view every smoker from now on... i.e. Look at all smokers as losers! That somehow, he is now a winner and that everyone who smokes is a loser. I did not feel any empathy or sympathy in those words of his for smokers. What if I had not quit? Does it mean that he looks at me like a loser? What if I don't make it? Am I judged as a loser? Of course I want to make it but I am also a human and should be grateful for every new day I have behind me without nicotene, knowing that I am only one puff away from nico-madness.

Surely we should have some feelings of pity for smokers . There is a slogan that I have seen which says " There go I but for the Grace of God!" I feel that we ought not to be too over confident in our quit. I tell myself " Come on! The nicodemon has trapped me for so long and its so cunning. What makes me think it is still not cunning and just round the corner waiting to take me captive again through that one puff- and to be dragged into the quagmire again" Do I really want to start to amplify by 10X the whole nicotene addiction cycle. To give nicotene a much louder voice in my life by playing with him in small amounts whether its less tar in ciggies, vaping, chewing, dipping, gumming etc etc. Its all just nicotene in the end and I'm sorry nicotene I cannot dance with you anymore, even if its just a short one.

I remember hearing stories from ex smokers like " I just quit and never looked back!" .. well, thats not my story at all. I honestly don't think you are as addicted to nicotene as I am if you can simply start and stop. Maybe you can but I'm not like that at all. I can't do what you can do and so my hat is off to you and I'll concede in believing your willpower is much greater than mine since you have the ability to smoke any time you want and to stop any time you want.

Deep down inside I do not want to stop smoking but even deeper than that is a need to quit. Over 2 months ago I got to a point where I was sick and tired of being breathless. I often got stressed (as I have a very stressful job) and I'd get panic attacks. When I quit smoking, the panic attacks got worse for a while. During those panic attacks, my mind was telling me I needed some nicotene but my better senses were telling me to stay away. I'm happy to say that the longer I've quit, the easier it is becoming. I'm getting a little stressed now and again but have not had a panic attack anywhere near what I had before.

Health scares do not really work on me. Who knows how many public warnings I've seen on cigarette packets and how many times people have told me how bad cigarettes are for me in the last few decades of smoking. No, I guess this time round I wanted to quit because I want to feel better. I want to breathe better and not be dragged down by a nicotene addiction. I want the nicodemon off my back!!