Smoking allows me to be lazy
I am always "soul searching", looking for answers & understanding. I love to learn & I have been learning a lot with my self inflicted civil war regarding the stupid smokes. One of the things I recently discovered is that my smoking habit gives me an excuse to be lazy. I am a mom, a wife & full time employee. Just like many others, I am super busy & nearly half of my daily cigarettes are (in my mind of course) time for me to not do anything else for just a few minutes. So I dug a little deeper (this is what I do). Why do I feel the need to stop everything I am doing so I can smoke? If I didn't take those 10 minutes throughout the day I would be done with my nightly mom/wife tasks (dinner, dishes etc) at least an hour earlier than usual. Which would in fact mean that I could go to bed a bit earlier & get more sleep...wake up feeling better, not so fatigued all the time.
So I did a run down of my current daily timeline.
Currently:
7:30a - draaaaaaag my butt out of bed (I am always tired in the morning, takes me about 15 minutes to wake my brain up) & get ready to head to work
8:00a drop the hubs off at work & then head to work myself
8:30a - arrive at work. Mind you, I have typically already had 4 cigarettes at this point but I always smoke one after arriving at the parking ramp before I go into work. Now, if I see that it is closer to 8:50 than it is to 8:45 when I finish that parking ramp cigarette...my a** will say screw it I'm going in at 9 & smoke one more. (By the way, I am technically supposed to be to work by 8:30.) I take a half hour break at 11:30a which often leads to 11:45 before I go back in. During which time I smoke at least 2, but usually 3 cigarettes. I have another "half hour" break at 2:30 & I do the same thing. If I actually went into the office at 8:30 like I am supposed to, then I would be able to leave at 5, given that I take 2 breaks. However, this rarely happens & I don't usually leave work until closer to 6 (tsk tsk tsk). Once I get home (about 35 minutes later, during that time I of course smoke 2 cigarettes), I make sure the dogs have food & water, I change into comfy clothes & then it's time to "relax with a cigarette for just a few minutes". I usually get dinner started around 7. I also get the dishes going as well. Depending on what I am cooking on any given night, once I get it started, I take another break. Once dinner is done (usually between 7:45 & 8:15) I feed the crew & take another cigarette break before I eat my dinner. And then there is the after dinner cigarette. At this point it's close to 9p & I am getting sleepy. I still have to finish the dishes, pack my lunch for work the next day & do my morning prep. So now I usually start feeling rushed & anxious. Doesn't sound like alot but the way I do it draws it out. I smoke a cigarette between every sinkful of dishes. I pack my lunch & shut down the kitchen/dining room once I finally finishes the dishes. I go to my room, turn on the tv & smoke a cigarette. Around 10p I get in the shower & start winding down. I smoke a few more cigarettes before I finally go to bed around 11:30p (which I know is way to late but I do it every weekday).
So...if I didn't "treat" myself to those breaks in my routine then I would actually have more time at the end of the day to veg out or dare I say go to bed earlier, sleep better & wake refreshed instead of lethargic. Would that be so terrible?!
I think that many of us "rewarded" ourselves with a smoke between chores. Call it pacing yourself or "me time" . It certainly sounds like you would have more time in the evening to spend with family if you got home earlier and got things underway earlier. However, life is not necessarily like that. I am retired and can't find enough hours in the day, even now that i have quit smoking. I am just a procrastinator these days now that i have the luxury to be so. When I was younger like you, we got so much more done because we had to.
Don't over complicate the decision of quitting smoking. Life is better without the smokes no matter how you fill those voids.
A break between tasks, can be used for putting a mint (or other) into your mouth instead, or better still deep breathing (if you are stressed)
Before your work routine a game on your phone keeps your mind alert without any anxiety.
Of course you know what to do really during your work day, simply cut out the numerous breaks, this means you are home earlier.
Learn to stop for tea or coffee without that cigarette, when you get home, ok so you might nibble on a biscuit, (mine was crackers without any butter).
Most importantly you are not being lazy, what you are doing is taking time out to work out what you have done or need to do before you start again, this is the time when you can either sit and dream or write out notes to yourself so that you know exactly what you have to do. It includes analysing your work and home life situation (I know you like to do this) and what you can do to make it better, without tearing yourself or others down.
The time now is not for further analysing, and thinking, but for doing.
You can alter anything as you go along, nothing is written in stone. Go for it.
I love how people on this site "get me". Even tho we have never met I swear you guys seem to know me so very well already. And you also are really good at kindly redirecting me. Thanks again for be awesome!!