Freedom

I smoked for 35 years heavily at least 30 a day and now have reached 160 days not smoking. I still have the thought I will have a cigarette when I put the key in the door at home after work and many other times through my day and night as I am a shift worker. I am ok with the fact that this mind trick will be with me for the rest of my life ,but instead of a negative it's a reminder that I am free of the need to smoke. I look at people in car parks ,sidewalks , outside of buildings smoking and think that was me ...always looking for somewhere I could have a smoke. It's hard work being a dedicated smoker ,planning outings with non smokers or play dates with my kids and their friends as I needed a place to hide and have a smoke but still be able to supervise kids. The money saved has been absorbed on fixing ignored bills and dental work but my family are free the ongoing concern for my health and the need to work to pay for smokes. I feel lucky to be free but I know from here it is being committed in my head and reminding myself of not needing to stand under an umbrella on the street at work to get my fix anymore.