This is not who I am...

So started smoking again after 10 years of being a non-smoker. I'd smoked prior to those 10 years of being a non-smoker, and honestly didn't believe I'd have cause to start up again.

But circumstances and life lead me to a place where I thought smoking would actually help! Insane, I know, but hey... that's where I was at and two years later I have reached the point in my journey once again where I do not wish to be enslaved to cigarettes any more.

My main reasons for quitting are family and health. My two children know me as a non-smoker, so when I started to come home smelling of cigarettes, I knew I was letting them down every day, even if they didn't understand the differences in my smell or behaviour. My wife met me when I used to smoke, but she was certainly disappointed when I came home one day and told her I'd had a cigarette at work, and even more so when this gradually increased to being a regular smoker again. So it will be great to be able to enjoy my family once more without feeling like I've let them down.

But above all that, I am only three gradings away from becoming a black belt in Karate. When I try to reconcile who I am with what I am doing, I find that smoking contradicts the life I lead and wish to lead more fully. How can I be at the pinnacle of an art that promotes health and wellbeing whilst I myself am physically incapable of performing to the physical standard required (due to smoking and decreased lung capacity)? I simply cannot be a smoker if I wish to go for my black belt with integrity.

I also used to be very fit before I started smoking again. The gym was a sanctuary, and every day before work I would have a run and then a workout. As the smoking increased, my self care in regard to exercise and fitness took a significant back seat. As it got harder to run, I would just do weights. As the mornings got colder (I live in Darwin, so they're never THAT cold) it got easier to stop doing that even, and the snowball effect of stopping one thing which lead to another thing being stopped had begun.

I don't see myself as a smoker. It was for a time something that served a purpose, but that time has passed and it is now my choice to leave this part of my life behind.

As of today, I have been smoke free for 24 hours. No, it has not been an easy day. Tension and frustration and shortness with people are the things I do not enjoy about this part of the journey, but it will indeed be worth it!

If it is to be, it is up to me.

Thanks.

Neil.