Day13
Day 13 and still having urges still feel an emptiness an absence where the smoking used to be still feel quite flat and unmotivated in regards to everyday things I’ve had a few good days which gives me hope and I know a lot of the advice is “it’s all in my mind and I hold the power” but it just doesn’t feel like it feel depressed but just concentrating on each day hoping it will get easier eventually. I think my biggest fear is once the surgery is over and I’m out of hospital I will start up again but can’t think of that right now just have to focus on getting through each day and believing I will be over it by the time surgery comes round. Just feel so alone within myself wish I could hibernate for a month and wake up never knowing what it felt like to be addicted to be so emotionally attached to something that was poisoning me but have to ride the waves that’s all I can do. Does anyone else feel this way or am I truly alone.
Hi MiaK,
It can be really hard going in the early days. After all you are breaking a long- term habit and addiction. I suggest doing mindfulness exercises and one which works for you. You can sit still somewhere at home close your eyes and just breathe in and out slowly then tune into your tummy area where the craving is. Describe the sensations there to yourself what is the shape of it and how does it feel then return to your breathing. Do all this for about 10 mins.
There are many such exercises you can look up and do. A cigarette lasts about 7 mins so it is about that time that you do an exercise. I hope that might help a bit. It will get much easier over time . My last story was called letting go as that’s what I’m doing I have made the decision to not smoke and that seems to help a lot with everything. You can do this too but just take your time there is no rush. Take it hour by hour and day by day. You can do this! Just believe in yourself and yes be positive.
Hi Cuba thanks so much for your kindness I really need it. I’m trying to be kinder to myself and just focus on the day ahead just such a jumble of emotions and I’m trying to rise the wave. I will try your suggestion have done mindfulness before will apply it to this. Will post again had my second blood test today 1 more to go and I can finally book surgery.
Hang in there MiaK.
You are not alone. Everyone who quits or attempts to quit knows some of what you are feeling, While I did quit much easier than most, I had tried to quit in the past and know how difficult it is without the knowledge and the mindset that I have learned and utilized this time. Seeing others quit and believing that you can also is half the battle. When you can see smoking in a different light, you can also let it go without feeling the loss. It is no friend, and you will love your freedom without it. It takes time to adjust to new situations, and quitting smoking is no exception.
You have more pressure on you with the upcoming surgery. The worry of that and then feeling like you have to quit leads to even more anxiety and you need your crutch even more. .....but smoking does not relieve anxiety. Smoking does absolutely nothing good for us, it only destroys . We are addicts and made excuses to smoke on every occassion. In celebration, in grief, in stress and in relaxation. Before chores, during and after as a reward. Find something else to reward yourself with.
Raise your dopamine with a different source. A small piece of chocolate, a call to a loved one, or doing anything that makes you feel good. Exercise and learning also raise our dopamine levels to experience a good feeling.
Perhaps you should worry less about whether you start up again after the surgery and concentrate on the now. Yes, you can do this temporarily, and get the surgery over with. Maybe you will enjoy being a non-smoker once you can see that there are many other reasons to WANT to quit. Imagine what you could do with the money not going to ash. Calculate how much you have burned in the past and that will shock you. Imagine the grime smoke leaves behind, and what it must look like on your lungs. Envision the freedom of not having to leave in the middle of a movie, or search for a place to smoke . I for one do not miss having to endure rain and snow to get my fix.
You can do this MiaK. Read, learn and think positive!
You can do this. The drug will give you every reason to have another one. Remember every time the thoughts get too much, your better than this, you’re stronger than this, try affirmations. Mine was I don’t smoke. Every time I would feel depressed, lonely, overwhelmed, I would tell myself I don’t smoke. Don’t let a killer drug control you. You’ve got this.