Update - Day 50

Update here ...I reached day 50 yesterday. Day 50 since I went cold turkey. But technically day 85 if I include the first 35 days with a patch. I now think of my patch days as training camp. Yes I was not smoking cigarettes but I still had a crutch and a nictotine addiction.

Anyhoo I am surviving. But wouldn’t say thriving. I don’t feel any better physically. As for mentally - every day for 85 days it’s been hard work. I read that for some smokers the quit symptoms and experience can be severe - think I must be in that category. It’s just been a rough ride. Learning that I smoked for every emotion for 30 years takes time to unpick, takes time to work through and is hard to experience now without any coping mechanism or real coping skills. Feel like I am in my own boot camp learning about myself and my inability to manage my emotions. And what I will say is the rough days are random. I can be going ok then just have a really bad day. Buts it’s never about a cigarette, it’s about me now. I am posting this in the event it helps someone else. Maybe someone like me who has googled - does it get better ? Am I going insane ? My answers are yes it gets better but ever so slowly and it takes time. And yes I am going a little insane but have to believe it will settle. I have to believe it all gets better. Keep telling myself I am still in that first 3 month window. And, more importantly that it’s a lifetime of change I am going through each day when I experience life emotions etc. This too shall pass is all I can say. Or as scarlett o hara would say - I ‘ll think about that tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. ☘️