Woke up today on day 70 and
I've had these urges to satisfy a craving over the last couple of days. I'm not sure any more if my cravings are less than they were while I was smoking but I think they probably are. I have a hunch that my cravings right now (even at their worst) are nothing compared to what I had when I was using nicotine. If I want to find out, I guess if could conduct an experiment. I could smoke a cigarette to find out but that would be too costly an experiment for me. I'll just have to assume that what I am saying now is correct. I think its entirety possible that I'm more sensitive now and so any kind of craving that is not satisfied gets amplified if I'm not in the greatest of mental states. I've had some problems over the last few days and have felt threatened in some way, so I should not be surprised that I want to resolve those problems by lighting up. My body has been telling me that lighting up will help me (actually is it my body or my mind? Good question huh?) but the training I've given to my mind over the last 70 days has told me to stay away from cigarettes and nicotine, no matter what happens. All of you guys writing the same stuff over and over is good advice and we should not forget that sometimes simple things are profound. You say to me " Stay away from the first puff!" "Just hold on ! - "It won't last forever" - "This too shall pass!"
I feel somehow that if I was in a race, that yesterday was the first day of races and I was not told how many meters to run. I just started running and I'd done 390 and was about to throw in the towel because I could not see the finish line. Some dude in the audience watching shouted out "Hey you're only 10 meters away from the finish line, so don't give up now!"
So, I woke up today (day 70) after a really great nights sleep. I don't think I've had a sleep like that in ages and at this moment as I write, I don't have any urges to smoke or take nicotine.
I guess I've got through one more of my own cycles of craving and ceasing to crave. I hope this is helpful to someone who has less time behind them and is feeling that they need to smoke. Actually, you don't need to do it. Hang on in there. Hang on till this cycle is over because it won't last forever!
well done writing it down that's half the battle being honest about what's going on :)
its the mind that's where the 1st puff comes from now, like you said it was the old solution to our problems have a smoke, and physically it does make us feel better for awhile the release of dopamine aaaahhhhhhh that's better, but like all 2 faced friends it has its evil side and that's why we are here if it was just aaarrhh none of us would be here !!
I have recovered from several addictions and for me the mantra of every addict is I want the feel good with no consequences, I want to feel good all the time.
reality is that's not how life is last week has been hell for me not having a smoke I haven't been able to get out of bed , today I am up and doing some small jobs that need doing cleaning fixing a few little things and for today that's going to have to be as good as it gets.
I stopped gambling several years ago after a big binge lost 1000 of dollars and I wanted to kill myself, I didn't and I haven't had a bet sense. but the pain I went through was amazing.
my point is we as humans don't change until we have too its part of who we are and when ever something seems to be working we keep doing it.
smoking was my last thing my bastion I wasn't giving up come hell and high water, the sh$t I have been through and the things I have had to stop doing to stay alive can I just keep the smokes and I fought tooth and nail to keep smoking.
I wasn't giving up ever its all I had left to comfort me, so what I am saying is there is a big pile of grief under that and I have to feel it smokeless I cant go to my friend for relief, so I have to go through what I am going through.
sure isn't easy and I am not doing so well but I know if I don't pick up the 1st smoke and do the best I can to be honest about whats happening, I have a chance to hell from the reasons I smoked and grieve losing my best friend.
anyone who quits easy isn't like me and days in bed, now up doing a bit, trying to work out how I am going to pull myself to the dentist tomorrow, just feeding myself is a chore.
but I know from previous experience I need to feel the feelings do what ever it is I have to do to stay smoke free and well cry if I have too !!
just writing this is healing and helps me see what's going on and thanks MC for being honest with what's going on with you and that's how we heal helping each other with truth and sometimes the truth isn't pretty.
life hey !!
IC
I like the description about the addiction vs two faced friends. Its like the flattering friend who feeds your ego while you are awake and then backstabs you while you are sleeping. When I was a smoker I used to tell people that evil backstabbing friends are more harmful to your health than smoking. At this time , I think its wise for me not to try and compare but to simply rid myself of both the backstabbers and the smoking which doubles my benefits!;)
As for addictions and my addictive personality I guess I could apply many of the same things I've said here is a forum with a different name and different addition. Over the last few weeks/months I've actually ceased to do lots of things that are harmful to me. Its like I want to clear my house and those other addictions are somehow connected to my smoking because of the aahhhhhhh thats better but they are two faced friends in the end.
IC...I sooo understand!!! Thank you all for sharing! I'm in Day 5 of Champix & quit day is in 5 days...if not b4 cuz cigs dont taste good but still have the habit of going for a walk or a drive.