Smoking to take away the pain. Really?
Today I could easily take up a cigarette and smoke because so many people around me smoke plus I'm going through some troubles in my life with someone's betrayal. I know that the emotions inside of me are a great trigger for me to smoke again but I've not smoked. I'm not craving for cigarettes today but I feel like I'd like to take something to make the pain go away. I've got all the justification I need as to why I should have a cigarette now or take some drugs but I don't want to. This is not about cravings but more about pain and not wanting to go through a particular emotion to come out the other end. This group, you guys and my posting have helped me heaps. I'm beginning to be reprogrammed to say NO to cigarettes. I want to live in reality. I want to have my pain, knowing it won't last forever. I know that smoking will make me lose this battle I am going through because I'll get addicted again and become breathless and stressed and those old panic attacks - well, I have all the reason to say no to cigarettes!
I could ditto your story. Understand where you are. I think for me sometimes it was not the addiction but a learned process to take away the pain of a horrible workplace ( especially not sleeping at 3 a.m.) I think I used the smokes as a "circuit breaker" . Did they solve the problem? No. Was I stupid enough to think they did? Yes. Sometimes I think it was voluntary self-destruction.
Glad that you are in a place that you can see the reality of what smoking is. It does take some unlearning,I think that is the hard part. It is also hard to have smokers around you seeing them taking a drag on their "best friend". I can't dislike them, understand that there are many reasons for smoking. Each of us got there via a different path. I certainly never thought that I was addicted until I tried to stop the first time. Big wake up call.
Good luck, stay strong and well done for staying smoke free.
I said to someone on one of my failed quits it was like someone turned the volume up to 11 in my head and I couldn't deal with it and I smoked, hindsight it was the wrong time to try quit, but I did learn from it.
the other analogy I like is I feel like I am walking around with no skin on everything hurts and is raw.
I lost my ph today and I know that build up of frustration I would have been sucking them down to try and calm down, but I did all I could to find it its gone made some chicken sangas had a can of coke checked eBay for a half decent ph and that's the end of it, but would have drove me nuts for a week before. probably still will :) but I know having a smoke wont fix it and well its only a weeks worth of smokes for the new ph so you know.
yeah bit harder when people are involved I am lucky no one smokes here, and betrayal well that's a tough one !! hang in there own your part and hand the rest back.
I always thought it was all me I screwed up but reality would say it can never be 100% one persons fault what ever the drama, so try see where I could have done better, but yeah that stuff hurts.
hang in there and feel the feelings and they will get less as time goes by, doesn't mean its easy I know.
IC
Dear IC
You have a gift to be able to read between my lines. Everything you've said resounds with me when you wrote, almost as if you know what it is in detail.
I always thought it was all me I screwed up but reality would say it can never be 100% one persons fault what ever the drama, so try see where I could have done better, but yeah that stuff hurts.
Hi Manchild. So you are feeling some pain. That's just life. A hit of nicotiana be may take your mind off it temporarily but will be still there when the nicotine cloud lifts. The intake of nicotine will anger you no end. Life's journey constantly tosses a spanner in the works. No amount of nicotine will alter the pain. Just live the experience. Hope you will let us know how you endured some pain...
Hi Manchild, this forum helps us so much, whether it is comments made by others or just us writing what we feel, it helps. We all now understand that a cigarette will not really help or fix a situation but that does not stop the urge we feel. So we do what we do to get through, but what we don't do is have a cigarette and we get through another day smoke free.