Day 3 cold turkey!
I turned 50 on Sunday and decided that I would stop day after on 1st June. I have 2 kids aged 8 and 11 and want to see them grow up, be there for them, have visions of them turning up from Uni or wherever with their mates,meeting married, holding my grandchildren etc...etc..and I really don't want to be struggling to breathe and stinking of fags it worse still 6 foot under.
I am on day 3 and sooo bloody grumpy and irritable, my kids probably wish I would light up! Seriously I am struggling today but so determined - I have had a couple of glasses of wine although think I will have a cup of tea now as my resolve may well weaken with the old vino.
I am looking forward to my dinner and actually reading a book or watching TV in bed - things I would put off till quite late so I could fit in a few more fags outside.
Right off to put the kids to bed and read them a very loooong story to keep me busy.
Any advice on weekend after next when I have a weekend away with the girls to celebrate my 50th, there will be lots of booze and a few smokers - should I get some e cigs or something else as I will have been nicotine free for 2 weeks by then. Considered leaving it until after that date but always have an excuse to not do it, another 50th weekend after, holiday etc etc. The Kids don't see me smoke but aren't stupid an my 11 year old hates it and I feel so consumed with guilt. Also both my parents died of lung cancer in their early 70s ( both heavy smokers) and believe me it is a horrible way to go - basically slowly suffocating to death. Seems crazy that I even still do it...but that's the ridiculous hold it gets.
Anyway any support or advice before I kick the cat would be most appreciated!
I love the sense of humour in the end there. I just had a great laugh. Please don't kick the cat unless absolutely necessary. It was my sister's 50th on Sunday too, I wish she'd give the smokes away. I know exactly where your coming from, we all want to be here for our kids in the future & the thought that smoking may take that away from us is pretty horrendous, there's probably not a better reason to quit. Your doing the right thing & going well so far. I suggest read everything you possibly can on this site and keep referring to your old posts too. Remind yourself what your doing this for every day. Replace old habits with new, fresh ones. Keep busy, lots of water & excersise (even just a walk). I am nearing the end of my 7th week and just like you would be outside at night with a drink & a smoke delaying going to bed. I've turned everything around since then & never want to go back, life is too good & too precious. I have an 8 & 9 yr old & they are worth so much more than cigarettes. I couldn't bare the thought of getting sick from smoking & having them go through that. I am also 100% present in their lives now when although I thought I was ok before I now see that just ok wasn't good enough. Early to bed & reading is what I thrived on in the beginning, still do but in those first weeks I just couldn't wait to get into bed with my book. Try to get lots of sleep too, you'll feel the difference. As far as the weekend away - that will be week 3 for you, my week 3 was quite easy then week 5 it got harder again. Every one is different but if you go into the weekend with a few strategies knowing that you don't want to smoke & telling your brain it won't win the fight, play it cool, ask your friends for support & don't listen if someone says oh one won't hurt will it? Remember all that hard work you've put in. If you get through it you will become stronger & more determined. Let the difficult times flow through you, go with it. It's one big personal journey, that's for sure & we all deal with it the best way we can. We also learn by our mistakes, so if you do happen to slip up you don't have to beat yourself up either just start over again, stronger than ever. Wishing you all the best.
Good on you Sam. Me too had similar thoughts after 50, after sucking in these chemical cocktail for last 30 yrs. I quit last July cold turkey, been almost an year. I feel guiltless, open, welcoming to my children after long long time. They used to watch me hiding in the back yard feeding my ugly habit.
First few days were too hard - irritable. I did two things
1. Prepared my mind to resists my junkie things..heres list of thoughts
Here's a list of common thoughts -- Junkie Thinking -- type of thoughts, that bring us back to the sickarettes.
Look through them. How many have we engaged in during previous attempts to quit? Are we *still* engaging in them?
It might help to print this out and refer to it during a craving.
Junkie Thinking
JUNKIE THINKING: One Puff won't hurt. RESPONSE: One puff will always hurt me, and it always will because I'm not a social smoker. One puff and I'll be smoking compulsively again.
JUNKIE THINKING: I only want one. RESPONSE: I have never wanted only one. In fact, I want 20-30 a day every day. I want them all.
JUNKIE THINKING: I'll just be a social smoker. RESPONSE: I'm a chronic, compulsive smoker, and once I smoke one I'll quickly be thinking about the next one. Social smokers can take it or leave it. That's not me.
JUNKIE THINKING: I'm doing so well, one won't hurt me now. RESPONSE: The only reason I'm doing so well is because I haven't taken the first one. Yet once I do, I won't be doing well anymore. I'll be smoking again.
JUNKIE THINKING: I'll just stop again. RESPONSE: Sounds easy, but who am I trying to kid? Look how long it too me to stop this time. And once I start, how long will it take before I get sick enough to face withdrawal again? In fact, when I'm back in the grip of compulsion, what guarantee do I have that 'll ever be able to stop again?
JUNKIE THINKING: If I slip, I'll keep trying. RESPONSE: If I think I can get away with one little "slip" now I'll think I can get away with another little "slip" later on.
JUNKIE THINKING: I need one to get me through this withdrawal RESPONSE: Smoking will not get me through the discomfort of not smoking. It will only get me back to smoking. One puff stops the process of withdrawal and I'll have to go through it all over again.
JUNKIE THINKING: I miss smoking right now. RESPONSE: Of course I miss something I've been doing every day for most of my life. But do I miss the chest pain right now? Do I miss the worry, the embarrassment? I'd rather be an ex-smoker with an occasional desire to smoke, than a smoker with a constant desire to stop doing it.
JUNKIE THINKING: I really need to smoke now, I'm so upset. RESPONSE: Smoking is not going to fix anything. I'll still be upset; I'll just be an upset smoker. I never have to have a cigarette. Smoking is not a need, it's a want. Once the crisis is over, I'll be relieved and grateful I'm still not smoking.
JUNKIE THINKING: I don't care. RESPONSE: WHAT IS IT EXACTLY THAT I THINK I DON'T CARE ABOUT? Can I truthfully say I don't care about chest pain? I don't care about gagging in the morning? I don't care about lung cancer? No, I care about these things very much. That's why I stopped smoking in the first place.
JUNKIE THINKING: What difference does it make, anyway? RESPONSE: It makes a difference in the way I breathe, the way my heart beats, the way I feel about myself. It makes a tremendous difference in every aspect of my physical and emotional health.
MORE JUNKIE THINKING:
Why bother? We all have to die sometime ... I deserve to smoke Cigarettes are all I've got left They get to smoke ... It would taste so good They're smoking and it's not hurting them Smoking wasn't really so bad ... If I don't eat something, I might smoke ... If I don't smoke I might drink ... This won't count because ... I know I can't smoke just one, but I hope I can ... Do it fast before you think about it ...
JUNKIE THINKING: "I'm bored" RESPONSE: Smoking is an "activity" or "something to do" only for smokers. I'm really not "doing" anything when I smoke except still sitting/standing there. The rest of the world survives occasional boredom quite well without inhaling life-challenging chemicals.
JUNKIE THINKING: "But they've been smoking on TV and in the movies for years! There are even magazines devoted to tobacco products! RESPONSE: That's right. They were on TV for years, I wasn't. I'm still alive; many of them aren't and they departed this vale of tears in prolonged and painful ways. And the smiling faces in the magazines now are risking painful and disfiguring surgery later, at which point they won't be smiling at all.
JUNKIE THINKING: "Its so nice to go out for a 'breath of fresh air' and a cigarette." RESPONSE: Fresh air? I've got to be kidding. And face it, sunny days are one thing, but how many days do I huddle out in the rain with the rain hitting the cigarette and turning the cigarette paper that disgusting yellow color? How many times is it windy and it takes forever to keep a match or lighter lit long enough to light the cigarette, and then how often does a gust of wind come up and blow the ashes into my eyes? And when it's icy outside, freezing my face off is bad enough, but when it defrosts, there's this bizarre yellow condensation around my nostrils. Now THAT'S attractive.
JUNKIE THINKING: "Smoking makes work go faster." RESPONSE: Most jobs where you work indoors are with companies who ban smoking in the workplace. Some companies won't hire me if I smoke. And every time I stop for a smoke it actually prolongs my work, since I'm not busy accomplishing it. And the big finale is:
JUNKIE THINKING: “Well, I've gone a whole year, and shown I can do it if I want. Now I can go back to smoking. RESPONSE: Laughter..... pure, free, unforced laughter; rising up spontaneously from a bottomless well of joy and gratitude......
Any of these comments strike a nerve?.
2. I never thought I will meditate in my life. Bust stumbled upon this small app from www.headspace.com.. and it helped a lot to keep focused.
Good luck Sam
JimmG, I think your list is great. I am going to print it out myself too, one for the fridge & one for my wallet. Maybe I should give one to the shop keeper & tell them to give it to me if I ever happen to ask for a packet. I'll always read it if ever I come across those destructive thought patterns again. Thanks, very helpful!
Hi Smokefreesam, Congratulations in your quit! Keep going... don't look back. You can do it! I am 10 months into my quit cold turkey, n I feel fantastic! The results of not poisoning ourselves with deadly, addictive nicotine, is just amazing. See for yourself, never give up your quit for any nicotine product. Love yourself! Best wishes! You can do it!