denial

I used this site to help me quit, i would have to odd cigarette but always felt i had control. Until i recently had a really bad run, medically, financially and emotionally. competely worn out. i gradually became a smoker again. Ive been 2 days now with out a smoke, my head feels like its in a vice. I feel sick, and high strung. I dont think im ready to quit again but am having a shot at it while i have a chance to do it. So for me the smoking and the denial are parallel. When i smoked everyday i am in denial that i can just give it away. Denial that it can affect my health. Denial that its ruined my teeth and given me premature wrinkles. I deny the demon, i deny it because fro so many years it has been there and my addiction is emotional, psychological and physical. Now after being quit for over 400 days, i have been smoking again. to begin with i was in denial, i just said to myself im not going to get addicted again straight away. so after the first week i told myself, its not a habit. after week 2 i told myself to finish the packet and leave it at that, dont buy more. Week 3, i bought more. I am now at week 6. I am going to give it another shot.