"If I had started a year ago, this wouldn't even be an issue"
The sad thing is I have been quitting smoking & relapsing for a good year & a half. Shame on me! So much wasted time & energy. And I absolutely despise when others waste my time & energy, but me...ehn apparently I let it slide. I have to start holding myself accountable with smoking as I do everything else in my life.
I do not yet know where the fear comes from (other than the addiction itself) but it has me tightly in it's grips. Which brings me to tonight's bonus quote (I won't always have 2 a day, sorry).
"If you can't beat fear, do it scared." So be it!
It's back to the grind for me tomorrow so I am posting early tonight. I have a bit to do to get ready for my work week & I did not want to forget to post. So I am off to do my routine things. I hope everyone has a great week & I will post again tomorrow (hopefully).
Did I miss something? Are you really smoking only two cigarettes a day? That amount of willpower is amazing! However it is totally unnecessary. That must be so difficult and of course you are thinking that not having any smokes would be worse again. You are so WRONG!
I don't know about your people, but I don't like pain or suffering. I rip the bandage off, and dive into cold water, not torment myself inch by inch. Once done, you acclimatize and get back to feeling normal as if nothing had happened.
Nicotine is half gone by 2 hours, so in the morning, we have about 7%. It therefore really doesn't matter if you cut down first because the nicotine is negligible is comparison. The point in cutting down in my plan in "If you've Given Up, Giving up, Try This!" is to cut back naturally by 1) making the experience less enjoyable by doing it in isolation, so you don't feel deprived. 2) Hating to take that "fix" once knowing how evil nicotine is. 3) Understanding that a craving is really just a thought in most cases.
You have a feeling of "dread" of facing this journey, rather than getting "psyched " up for it. If you won a trip that would take you to a wonderful place and away from your daily routine , into a place where you had free time to experience new things, money to do as you pleased, you would be jumping for joy in anticipation and thinking how wonderful and how lucky you are. This place has amazingly fresh air, it smells so clean , the food tastes great, and it has a fountain of youth! The best part is this is a trip that doesn't cost you a dime! All you have to do is WANT TO TAKE IT.
I want you to answer me truthfully, did you put those cigarettes away and acted out being Angry? if so what did you do?
We are all here to help you, but you are not doing the right homework because we will all give you the same support and/or advice. You need to stop thinking about your feelings for a while, and research some facts on the amount of Nicotine that enters your blood stream, how many people have watched their money go up in smoke, how many have died with lung cancer or similar, how many years it takes off your life and so on.
Reading the posts above, you have the power, you have always had the power, but you need the will to actually stop. My way of entering into an agreement (or the water) has been similar to yours, I take my time, and feel fear, at one stage after the other. You are stuck in that fear now take the plunge, no matter what the consequences.
We are here to help you give that Nasty Horrible Nicotine person the flick, the rest is a form of wanting others to ride along while you are not willing to let go of your pain.
I'm not sure why you relapsed. Im sorry for you. I too have a tendency to weaken. This time though, instead of just thinking it is possible, I have this strong feeling that I am certainly going to succeed. Perhaps it is the state of mind that wins in the end.