Tough Times and Mind Sets

Hi All

Thanks so much for your comments re my dad.  He does amaze me with his improvement.  I just wish his first born (getting fatter by the day here) Winner had half his fight!!!!  Maybe I do and I just don't realise it?  Actually I do as I will not give in.

I wanted to share something to remind us all that we keep waiting for a moment/epiphany/anything where we realise oh my goodness I am cured - I do not think about smoking, or I do not have any cravings etc. I am sure that time comes at some point, but I don't think we should 'wait' for it or I think it's easy to fall into the it's all too hard camp.

Let me explain my tough times at the moment.  Partner is not working, dollars are a bit tight, but I earn good money so cannot complain.  However strata fee's are due, car registration coming up as is Christmas etc.  Last year I had problems with my teeth (man I sound old) and after thousands of dollars and a lot of work, I still had three crowns to get done.  No drama, can wait the fillings or  temps should last for two years.

Actually it was all the problems with my teeth that factored into my wanting to quit prior to dad getting sick (I had no idea how bad smoking was to oral health, but anyway).  About a month ago, I cancelled my crown surgery and thought it will have to wait until next year.  Due to all the above.  Well what happens?  Last night I have a glass of water and think yuck what was that?  And what it was was the temporary filling and part of my tooth washing down my throat.

Oh My God!  I was furious, and feeling incredibly sorry for myself, to the point of 'Am I going inasnae'?  There was nothing else for it, we walked to the pub.  Get there and I did not get served quick enough so stomped out saying loudly I am not waiting any longer - actually making a right nob of myself but i was MAD!

Poor partner running behind me, what is wrong?  Out it all blurted, it's not fair, I gave up, it's been 47 days I am meant to have saved almost $700 where is it?  I have been sick with a cough, my sinuses have given me hell, my sleep patterms have been weird, I am turning into fatty boom bah and now my teeth are F****.  On and on and on I raved about woe is me and how it was all linked to me giving up the ciggies (all whilst walking to another pub - I was mad, but I was still functioning).  It was truly a verbal tirade of epic proportions.

Once getting to the new pub and getting served quickly (lucky for them I got my beer fast) and sitting down and actually really thinking about it all - it came to me, that NOTHING I was REALLY mad about had to do with giving up (well maybe the weird sleep and sore throat and cough initially).  And of course I would be thinner if I had not stopped.

If I was smoking then my filling still would have been swallowed, I still would have car registration and strata fees due and Christmas coming etc etc etc.  In fact if you really think about it, if I was still smoking I would need dollars for cigarettes as well and the dentist would be telling me off about the harm it was doing to my gums and the car would stink of smoke etc.

My point is (do I even have one)???? I went home and realised I am perhaps always going to think about smoking or think one might help a certain situtaion BUT something in my mind has realised having one wont solve a thing - so maybe that is my epiphany, just knowing it wont make anything better is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow.

And my mum told me BEWARE six weeks, well 47 days is bang in the middle of six weeks (thankfully Friday will be 7) and she gave up over 20 years ago but recalls week 6 as being a turning point.  So thank you mum for your wisdom, thank you dad for your fight and thank you all for reading and responding to my ramblings.  It has been a HUGE help to me.

I truly can continue to do this, I know it as much as I know I am going to be broke for the next few months.  You can all do it too!  Winner is not going to be telling himself he has 'stopped' anymore Winner is a non-smoker and if things go wrong or he gets in a bad mood it's merely because in life $hit happens.