I'm getting so angry!
My anger & frustration led me to this site, so this is where I believe I will get some much needed help & support.
I am 52 years old & have been an extremely dedicated & heavy smoker for over 30 years. Up until I quit on 17/6/11, I was smoking on average 200 a day. I feel so ashamed admitting to the total lack of control I have suffered at the hands of nicotine. As advised by my GP, I am now on patches & gum.
Today is day 11 & for some reason I becoming incredibly angry. It's like there are these demons in my head saying things like 'You have every right to smoke, go on, just have one - no-one will know'. From my past failures (2), I know that just smoking one will convince me I am again a failure & start up again. Hence, the self hatred crap starts all over again.
OMG... this is sooo hard!!!
When can I expect to go more than a couple of hours at a time without the cravings? When are we considered free of this addiction?
I just want to scream. Please God, give me the strength to keep going.
* end of rant *
Chez, you can do this, you are strong! Remember NOT ONE PUFF EVER!! I am not saying it's easy, 'cos I know that it's not. I am reading your post on this, day 3 of my quit, and I too am struggling with my nicodemon. It is whispering in my head... "go on, just one puff... it won't hurt... just one!". We both know that that's all it takes... just giving in to that one puff and that's it. We are addicts and the more we keep telling ourselves that, the easier I think it is to at least have some understanding as to why we feel so bad without our drug.
This is my second quit. I quit 8 years ago for the first time, and that lasted nearly 7 yrs! I have been smoking again for 15 mths and all it took was one puff - even after all those years! I thought I had it under control. I thought I was smart, but my addiction is smarter than me... it will always win.
Being angry is good. It helps keep your addiction in check. My dear, dear friend died from lung cancer on Sunday, she was 57. She smoked all her life, up until the day she died. She just could not quit - not for her family, her life, her death. It was sad but that makes me angry. Every time I want/need a cigarette I think of her.
Good luck Chez. My thoughts are with you xxH
Thanks for your post, it's nice to know others have that experience too. Strangely, just reading your post and comments calmed me enough to ignore the urge.
Love the term 'Nicodemon'... that's so it! Remember the voice isn't you, it's the addiction. One step at a time...
The hardest cigarette to not have is the next one. So if we just stay strong enough to not have that one, not having the the one after will be the easiest thing ever!