Looking for advice for my father

I sympathize with your dilemma, but perhaps it is you that must first realize that someone who quits smoking has to WANT to quit. Never once did you say that this was his goal. Unless he is onboard with this , no amount of badgering or guilt will lead to a permanent quit. It may only serve to have him reach for his crutch more.

Build his ego up. Tell him that life is not over and that he has many more years ahead of him if he chooses. Tell him that he is stronger than he thinks. Get him involved in community or a hobby. Plan a future event for him to look forward to.

First one must DESIRE

Secondly, one must BELIEVE than they can quit.

I think that your father can lick this easily with his stubborn attitude, after all he did quit drinking. We can do what we put our MINDS to. When we are excited about doing something we will, otherwise we just continue to drag our feet and continue to make excuses.

I quit because I didn't want to be a hypocrite and expect a dear one to just stop a substance abuse. So I challenged myself and we both won! we can beat the addictions with a DESIRE to. Maybe you have a habit? Challenge him.

I always say " that where there is a will, there is a way".

Every time he tries and slips, he learns about nicotine and himself. ...he is not a failure. Each day without smoking allows the body to heal some. Smoking gives a quick jolt of dopamine. Chocolate, hugs, learning, and pleasurable things also release dopamine, which makes us happy. Rewards for achievements, even little ones, make us happy.

Breathing easier comes very quickly after quitting smoking. Hopefully, that will be reward enough for him to continue.

Best wishes to the both of you.

https://www.icanquit.com.au/story/14143/the-truth-is

The above link is a story of mine from the past, and may be useful to you and others.

Sorry the links that I once had to Allan Carr's on line book is now no longer available.

Well worth ordering if you can't get it from your local libraryl.

If You've Givin'Up Given'Up Try This!!!

Another suggestion ...in the link above. Its about quitting gruadually while learning and smoking with Champix..

Thank you for your messages Happiness, I appreciate all you have said. Funnily enough I am in the midst of addressing my troubled relationship with alcohol and have just resumed attendance of AA meetings and told him that I will commit to doing so wholeheartedly if he approaches his relationship with cigarettes in a similar fashion - your message around doing something like this has strengthened my resolve that this is a good avenue.

Cheers again :)

Hi Hayden

I really sympathise with your father and your story.

I’d like to suggest to you that he could use nicotine inhalers. They resemble a cigarette and can be very helpful to people who are reluctant to quit and I have seen them used by nursing homes to help their clients to quit . Perhaps a talk with your fathers GP along with him may also help where that is possible.

I do hope you can help him it sounds like you really love and care for him and you want to try and help to save his life.

Also being on oxygen is not good. I understand your position as my best friend went through this exact situation with her father. He smoked around 100 cigarettes a day.

The smoking does become what people live for and it’s really sad the idea though that this is what they have in their lives is also a kind of enabling in a way. I hope that is ok to say. I understand this is very complicated . I would like to offer my support in any way I can to help

Good morning Hayden

The only thing you can do is find a way to convince your father that he has everything to gain by quitting . i did a bit of research during my own journey on thing i read was your lungs can improve around 10% in the first 3-9 months . there are many different methods others have on here have found to be successful will help him quit, Happiness suggested one of the methods is the Allan Carr book several on here have successfully quit and maintained their quit ising that book. maybe work closely with his Doctor to find a method that will suit him

Hi Hayden. I was like your father, smoked for nearly 50 years. I didn’t know how to live day to day without them. I too was told I had to quit from doctors, not emphysema though. I tried tablets, cold turkey, nicotine replacement. All were so hard and stressful. None of them worked. Then I thought I would try hypnotherapy. I went to one session. I was a massive sceptic but I did want it to work. It was my last chance. I have not had a cigi since and it’s been over 5 months now. At times I want one, and when I do I say to myself smoking is not for me and the desire goes away pretty quickly.

Hi again The main thing was I didn’t want to quit when I went to hypnotherapy, i went to hypnotherapy knowing that I had to quit. And it still worked.

Quitting is like climbing a mountain, one minute you think your fine, then you hit a cliff. You don't mention if he's on nicotine replacement therapy. If he's having it hard, I would suggest the nicoderm CQ. What's been my EASIEST are nicotine pouches ON! Cinnamon flavor 8mg as long as needed. It's a salt of nicotine.. I'm breathing again.It gets harder at 30 day mar to be honest. As your lungs start to heal they want that cigarette. Smoking is a bad relationship that he has to see it that way! It's about climbing that mountain! Cravings will pass.

Sorry about repeat post

Ideally he needs to post here. Just vent his frustrations. We ALL need help!

I hope you are making some headway with your father. If he WANTS to quit that is a great first step. If he absolutely doesn't have that in mind, the reason is because he really doesn't believe that he can.

Sometimes we have to take immediate action to remedy the immediate situation. Time is of the essence, so spend the dollars on a hypnotist, Allan Carrs book, and whatever means he would be open to.

Vaping, e-cigarettes, and such things are other options but without the final freedom of quitting smoking.

I strongly urge him to try Champix so he first loses the desire to smoke,

While starting Champix he can smoke, but he also has to learn to WANT to quit smoking. It will not work by itself, it needs the change of thinking to make quitting smoking permanent.

Allan Carr also had his clients smoke while quitting smoking. We smoke without thinking, but he makes us THINK, taste, understand and BELIEVE.

He can smoke while reading our stories too and perhaps find that desire which is truly key..

Let us know how you are both doing. We care.

Thank you all so much - Cuba, ThisWillPass, Raggbear, 2bfree and Happiness again - for both your advice and support. Gives me some starting points to look in to, I'm going to start by doing a significant amount of research in to the actual health condition as I think the information and awareness will be great for a foundation. As an update him and I went camping from last Thursday through to Monday and he didn't have a cigarette the whole time. He has not had one yet. As with my struggles with alcohol though I know its important to not just abstain but change your mindset, thought processes

habits etc. I will be referring back to your comments in the coming days to guide my research so thank you again.

You and your dad must be so proud that he took what he had to do seriously and post haste! I am sure he must be struggling, I hope you can get him to join us, or to at least read the stories written. You might benefit as well.

We can quit when we CHOOSE to.

Feeling forced must be harder I am sure. However, your trip is a reminder to him that he IS important to you and that he has other good times to look forward to. Keep that dopamine going!