Overwhelmed

Thanks for the response. Yes we do sound like we're experiencing similar things.

I feel so stupid. Logically I think I've made good progress. I haven't smoked outside my home in 4 years. I'm sitting at my desk and won't have a cigarette for about ten hours today and it usually doesn't bother me. But it bothers me today because I'm in panic mode. So stupid.

Hi Katie71. If you panicking at the mere thought of quit smoking, perhaps you should start there. You cannot decided whether you want to or not.? Sure you can. Admit the truth, that there are no good reasons to continue to smoke, and so many reasons to quit, but the TRUTH is that you want to smoke.

You like many have been conditioned over decades to THINK that you enjoy smoking. You enjoy it because,when you smoke you fill the NEED or ADDiICTION. and by doing so avoid dealing with these CRAVINGS. We always had these cravings, but learned to appease it on time so as not to feel them

So little space to express so much.

You can quit smoking when you accept some truths and DESIRE change. Choose life over death. Choose freedom over slavery. Take control of your own thoughts. If you can go all day and not need the nicotine, it is your mind that enabled you to do so. Now you are letting your mind create EXCUSES. Make up your mind and you can be a Happy non-smoker. Without the desire for change and the acceptance of it, why go through the hassle?

I hope you will keep reading and learning and find the desire to choose life.

Happiness, thanks for your thoughts. It’s helpful.

The truth is I like the feeling before I have a cigarette because I know I’m about to feel all is fine in the world. I like when I’m smoking the cigarette because it feels normal and calm and almost as if it’s like a break from the world. A moment where your mind and body feel at peace. And yes I like that. But I hate everything else. I hate that I’m a slave. I feel guilt anger disappointment. I wish I could turn back the clock and take it all back. I wish I could click my fingers and not need to smoke to feel that feeling.

Smoking is my only vice. It goes against the grain that I’m so independent and self reliant but I do this completely insane destructive thing that I can’t seem to find the strength willpower or skill set to finally get rid of it after all this time.

Im probably making excuses but I got to start somewhere.

Could a cup of camomile tea, wrapped up in a cozy blanket looking out the window and making reflections on life serve the same need? The same state of sense that all is well in the world?

We all have to start somewhere. Just don't end with an excuse.

I hope that you will find a solution that works for you. I can't see you villainizing your guardian angel so you need to find some alternative.

All the best.

Hi Kate71. I read your post and created an account on here because I thought to myself "that's me." The pattern. The mentality. The feelings. All of it. I smoked for 2.5 decades...up until 4 days ago anyway. I quit cold turkey. Nothing (not even time) could have truly prepared me for it. I'm still not prepared for this. I didn't believe I could get this far, but I am still doing it. Even if you do not believe you can do this yourself, I'm looking at a post ending in the word "help." I hope you are winning your fight. Have you made any progress or are you still stuck?

Hi Let’sDoThis. I’m doing ok. A week into a gradual cut down to quit program using an app and haven’t cheated once. Starting to look at smoking and my triggers differently so that’s something. Some mental changes happening I hope.

I’m disappointed I haven’t gone cold turkey and so impressed you have. Congratulations on your progress. You’re doing so great.

Thanks! Great & I'm glad you are taking action too. Nothing wrong at all with using a dose down program...as long at the end result is "it worked," same thing! I also learned so much about the addiction and my own psyche doing panic research in the first couple d-days of withdrawal, figured I may have something to offer in terms of useful advice or motivation if struggling. Don't focus on concept of party being over as you described on your journey. That is the furthest thing from the truth for so many reasons which I hope you start to experience soon. Keep us posted!

Thanks! Great & I'm glad you are taking action too. Nothing wrong at all with using a dose down program...as long at the end result is "it worked," same thing! I also learned so much about the addiction and my own psyche doing panic research in the first couple d-days of withdrawal, figured I may have something to offer in terms of useful advice or motivation if struggling. Don't focus on concept of party being over as you described on your journey. That is the furthest thing from the truth for so many reasons which I hope you start to experience soon. Keep us posted!

The hardest part was cutting down. I would much rather jump into cold water than to wade in gradually. But to each their own, but while cutting back please also try to despise smoking, taste it, smell it, think about it. Do not let it become the focus of your day and hold even more power. Nicotine aids administer the dosage to cut down, but it does not always make it easier for most. Read the package.....use with counselling, that's us. That's the change of desires. The thought process makes it easier. Breaking old routine and starting anew. You can quit smoking.

Happiness, to your point, ultimately yes. Purging nicotine from the body requires time. Days likely. Every time we have a cigarette, we reset that purge and withdrawal process to square one. The only way to fully purge is complete abstinence. The only way to mentally make it through that initial abstinence (what I referred to as my d-days) was by admitting the truth to myself. The truth is that for 2 minutes of head rush every 30 minutes I was inhaling nicotine infused poison. Deliberately nicotine infused to keep me illogically coming back for more poison, no questions asked.