Strengthening my committment

9pm New Year’s Eve, 2014 and 2 cigarettes left.  If I smoke one now that will leave only one to have with coffee next morning so, before the usual panic sets in, I remind myself that the local 24/7 Servo is just 2 minutes away.  Somewhere in the back of my mind flashed the thought that I could take this momentous opportunity to quit!  "Yea right!" my mind fought back. "A New Year's Resolution...when have I ever kept true to one of those?"  With that resolve destined to fail I lay down to watch TV.  I went to sleep and woke thru the night remembering that I still needed to get some cigs.  I trudged off to bed knowing that I would regret this come the morning coffee and cigarette(s) fix.

Morning came and because I hate facing the world that early I deferred shopping till later. I smoked the cigarette mindfully, pondering being a non-smoker again.  About 22 years ago and through the use of hypnosis, I became one for 12 guilt-free, healthier and wealthier years.  I am now 63 and first began smoking at 17. 

Each passing year my health and sense of self-worth have diminished and I know that I cannot feel like this or worse this time next year.  All this sounds to me like I have made a personal commitment for the next 12months.  I have many demons to face and it seems that smoking is to be the first.  The ripple effect from a smoke-free life will be enormous and far reaching. 

It is now 2 days on and that Servo is still only 2 minutes away but I have promised myself that a visit there will only be for petrol. While composing this I have gotten up to have a cigarette countless times which gives me more opportunities to reaffirm my resolve that there are no more cigarettes.