I want to quit

I really like that "never quit quitting".

I was fine on Sunday and I never really thought about it much, I rang some friends who have had a similar experience, i explained what was going on for me. I seemed to get through Sunday OK.

Monday was harder, being around people I smoked with and had to get away from them at Lunch time, took a sicky and was ok Monday night. Tuesday was very different altogether.

I think this was the first time I was properly introduced to this DRUG nicotine. It's very serious stuff, extremely powerful and insidious. I got through most of the day at home taking a sicky again. By 7pm the craving got pretty bad. I road through it. Then I sat at my computer to do some work. Physically I actually felt very good indeed, however my brain was fried, or empty. I couldn't read anything, couldn't write, barely able to write a full stop.

I said thats it, I going to buy some.

Got in the car drove to the Supermarket, and Sat outside for about half hour in the car.

Then i drove to the petrol station, filled the car up.

Drove back to the supermarket and waited. I wanted the craving to subside before I went in to by the smokes. I was extremely embarrassed, i was shaking, and I could hardly walk properly let alone go into the supermarket and buy some smokes.

Then it really dawned on me.

Yes, I am a drug addict.

Nicotine is a drug.

It is killing me.

I can't even walk into a store and buy some.

I drove home and promised myself, that I will buy some in the morning and it'll be ok. I will be able to function again and everything ok.

I woke up, made myself a cappuccino from my machine. Drank it, did some work and got ready to go. Drank the cup and thought about making a takeaway for the road.

Then I thought I will buy one, while I'm waiting for it to be made, i will casually walk into the supermarket and buy a lighter and some smokes. And I did. I ordered the coffee, bought the smokes and came back for the coffee.

The strangest thing about this silly story, while I was waiting for the coffee to be made I desperately wanted to say to the barista: "Hay man, do you smoke?" and I wanted him to say to me: "Don't do it, you've done so well for nearly 4 days, don't mess it up". I wanted to turn this complete stranger into my nicotine counsellor. Long to short. I smoked 5 in the morning, which is far more than I would ever smoke in a morning. By 3pm I was back on the wagon, on this website and at the doctors office getting some Champix. It's one day, one hour, one minute at a time right now. I really want to do it. I don't want to think about it. I am taking a week off from the world, and going to give myself half a chance.

Hi Justquit

I stopped on Champix 299 days ago! I know they say in the instructions that you must set a date 14days down the line to quit - I only did that in my 3rd week. Its stressful enough to quit without adding to it. I smoked for 30+ yrs and really enjoyed my addiction. My smell [not always a good thing] has improved 500% so did my taste, smell of my hair, clothing etc. Its really worth every bit of trauma you go through to quit. If you find you get nauseas from the Champix - eat dry biscuits and ALWAYS have a bottle of water handy if/ when the craving hits. I had a habit of smoking in my car morn/ eve and I replaced it with water. It also helps to detox and keeps the craving at bay. Nibbling on cheese & carrots also helps - or it did for me. Find healthy vices to replace the old bad 1 and your right, it is killing you! Google smokers lungs and see what it looks like or better yet print it and stick it up where you can see it.

Good Luck and ride the wave until it hits the shore. I promise it does get better and easier.

Mix

Hay Mix

Thanks for the support.

I think the Champix is good, who knows.

I know I have to stay away from people I used to smoke with for a little while.

It just gets in my head.

I was having a really good day today, getting plenty of acceptance, seeing lots of people smoke and feeling sorry for them and not jealous.

And then it starts, tonight as I get out of the shower, my head says, wouldn't it be nice, just like I have always done go outside on this cold night and have one. It didn't last long.

It is just a habit and I have to break it, and smash it into little pieces.

Physically, I have never felt better in my life.

I am lucky in some ways but it is unhelpful in others.

I don't drink alcohol (not a single for over ten years and of course no drugs). I don't even drink much coffee, and never after midday. And it was my only real vice left. I have experience with stopping self destructive patterns of behaviour. I do know what is required.

There are not any second chances for me, or third or four. If I just keep falling off and on from the wagon, I could end up doing that for the rest of my life and this is probably more dangerous than a daily habit.

Mix, I don't think I enjoyed smoking, my perception at that time is that I did, or that it did something for my. But although i wasn't like a 2 pack a day person, I have only ever pretended to enjoy it, to take me away from something, and it never has. Not since I was in my early twenties have I ever wanted to smoke, only what I can call pre-addiction. For the most part, it hasn't been a choice I have made, it is not romantic to smoke, its not attractive when i see someone smoking, it not very cool, its just really stupid and dumb. I guess that being said, if I could smoke once a week or once a month, like i know some people can, I can't judge that and would probably like to be able to do it. It's just not in my nature, I can't do it and I'm not about to try and trick myself I can. Right now I have to fight this thing, with all the tools, means ,help, friends and support as humanly possibly, and part of this is writing on this web site. Every time i type down a craving, I am free of it.

Tomorrow is another day and I need to surrender to this drug. It was won the war against me and I will stop fighting with it.