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For the last 3 weeks, I have made a feeble attempt to quit smoking. At first I did well, then a puff here and there, then a day without a puff... I still continued to count those days still as quit days, however, I'm not fooling anyone. A puff here and there means I am still "feeding the monster" so to say.
I am here in the US and it is Saturday evening. My quit day will be Monday. Even though I am smoking a minimal amount compared to my half to whole pack a day, I still have not truly started on my journey.
I am somewhat of a "closet smoker" and am tired of the mints, gum and breath spray, fabric spray for my clothes and constantly washing my hair. Of course, deep down I think everyone knows anyway. I go all day at work without a single cigarette believe it or not. Only one other person in my area smokes and I see him going out in stormy weather just to get that fix. In my mind I feel sorry for him and have some pity but also in my mind, I have that same pity for myself.
I too am so hooked I have smoked in corners during storms (not at work) and I have always had a fear of not having enough in the house when a storm is approaching. How pathetic am I ??? (And stupid !!!) I have passed on gatherings with friends because I know I would have to go for hours without a cigarette, being the "closet" smoker that I am.
I am getting tired of having multiple "Day One's"! Now is the time, and I thought if I were to post my intensions that maybe it will "stick" this time. I am a "young" 63 year old and have smoked most of my life. I can imagine what my insides look like. Both my parents smoked and my mother died of lung cancer and my father of a heart attack. Well duh,,, How STUPID am I??? They passed years ago and I did not get the hint, I was and am an addict to a drug,... nicotine. It's too bad it is not illegal as I think that would make me, and perhaps others quit.
I have read the Allen Carr book, I have read tons of your stories here. You are all amazing and your stories provide encouragement and comradery. I know it is all in the mind and a matter of getting in the right mindset.
My apologies for rambling. I selected my NOPE-2021 name in honor of all of you. You all have put that to practice and I intend to do the same. My Day One is Monday!!! Thank you again my friends :) Not One Puff Ever!!!
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